not alone anymore

The Thoughts

2011-07-09T16:44:00.003+01:00

i have a lot of things in mind...duno where to start where to go~
people think that i'm stupid that i choose this path....people thinks that i deserve such treatment because i choose to be~
yeah! i'm absolutely clear about it! So? But i least i dont abandon my friends....i dont backstab them......You guys should be ashame what you have done!
Being in a big group is something to be proud about..you are surely wrong about it!

......... I've nothing much to talk about....i really do.....being a sohai, giving so much..but till the end its just empty!! no one will thanks you and no one will appreciate what have you done. Cause till the end of the day, the money talks!

About my choice on my path way....i know what im doing! clearly knowing he's not the person...but right now is not the right time to walk away.....from the sincere heart...he really treat me nicely and gentle nowadays....no matter what he had done previously is over...i dont want to remember about it.....Being treat nicely and gentle doesn't mean that we are meant to be together.....i enjoy the moment now...i appreciate the way he had change for me.......but deeply inside ...his pathway will never be same way or a joint way in future.......i knew it all...so please let me..just let me become a stupid lady for a moment.....when the time come, it will has its wonderful ending....

- end-

Life Is MISERABLE

2011-03-26T08:03:00.003Z

it has been quite a long time ago i last blog.....
what's new this days? i got a office job...
mon - fri working...weekends stay at home on my bed sleep....
what a typical NO LIFE!!
no extra income no extreme excitment to do.....
here goes my life.....
this few weeks...i found that i'm aimless....im not so sure about what am i doing now i what i want n what i dream for....but i know i still have to work for now....
Feel like getting into what i want..but a lot of people is telling me, i cant...its not good....but i do feel like trying out....
The older i get, i become more quiet...as in i dont dare to express my thoughts and dream to anyone....being afraid to listen to another NO......
I hate myself being so coward...being so not me....what shud i do???

finally i have a good saturday with internet which able me to browse tru my facebook....realizing alot of my frens are getting married...some even going to give birth to a new life......
i do feel a little envy, looking at their wedding pictures....but i know i wont have such life.....so many to fight for so many to think of....i know clearly i will not be that one person.........

Thats why u always say ' Life is Miserable'........

A rubbish Crap~

2011-01-22T17:22:00.002Z

hmm....seems like i had abandon my blog quiet some time already....
i always wanted to update but all kind of excuses that stop me from typing....
first was my feelings then im lazy then now my old uncle lappie GG already! no longer functioning..
What am i up to now? A lot of people asking me.....i'm WORKING now!
After i start working...everything seem so different from the pass....
so many things to be understand...so many things to be compromise..so many things to be change...
and im getting very lazy......lazy to talk..lazy to on computer...lazy for everything...i think that's the working life!
ehem...i'm just a different people now...i have too much in mind...too much too much....how i wish im still in studying life now! hahah...ya ya..i'm running away from the reality...
What can i do? That's life....you work on monday to friday then you run away from reality on saturday and sunday....then there goes again to the reality and bla bla bla.....
.........i am crapping lots here...i am just being a bit messed up and miserable!
ya dah ya dah ya dah....all my nonsense already done spoken...and i only left sunday for my run away day.....
Good luck on Monday again!=)

a cheer up post~

2010-11-02T15:02:00.002Z

It has been long since i last posted my previous blog~
hmmm.. i've not been blogging coz.....IM LAZY!! heheheeheh
but today..i mean now..i have a big duty n resposible to write this blog...
My duty for today is to cheer my BOSS up.....
I've a few ways to cheer you up~

1) kiss u?! * nope i cant do it...coz my kiss haven learn how to fly*
2) ang gu gu...ang gu gu chiak~ * not working?? u dun like the baby act???*
3) i love you~~ heheh i think this helps~ does it?!?!
4) this my last way...you better laugh a little k~
i will tell u a story now~
哥哥問弟弟: 你知道不知道男生洗澡,為什麼要关门?
弟弟摇摇头.
哥哥又问: 为什么女生洗澡要关门?
弟弟一样摇摇头.
哥哥得意的答: 我告诉你,男生关门是因为怕小鸟飞走, 女生关门是因为怕小鸟飞来
啊......
lame....??! hehehe

i just hope you will laugh when you see this.... =)

the road of temptation...

2010-08-29T08:25:00.003+01:00

After all this...im still so blur.....
on the same day in three years back...i remember i was under depression too...
then about a week or two after that i met this person~
holding hand togather we walk for 3 years....
along the road, there's a plant called temptation....
it grew more and more when we walk pass it~
there's time we try to let go our hand to pick up the temptaion...
but that's the time one of us will pull you back...
you hold the hand tight again but your curiosity doesn't stop....
i've once lost before, because of the temptation, the selfishness...
i let go your hand and walk alone....
you are the one who find me back and hold me along the road again....
then it come to this little road which only can fit one....
you let me tru...coz its more safe and less temptation....
there you go risking yourself for a more temptation road....
but because of trust ..we walk it tru and promise to meet each other at the end of the road....
after a long journey...im right now standing at the end of the road...
looking tru the road of temptation...you've drown in it...
im standing here alone...geting so lost...
trying to be like you doing the same thing- leading you back on the right path and away from temptation...but i dont have the strenght to do so...
the temptation is leading you more than you can see me....
asking myself, its there a take 2 for choosing the road...?? i want to choose again~
never knew myself so well right now....im weak, im silly and im a slug....

Till the end

2010-08-27T03:05:00.001+01:00

this is the song~

a heartbreaking ending

2010-08-26T20:21:00.002+01:00

found out my dear diary recently....
i read tru it and realize i did grow a lot....but i still fail in my love life~
looking tru..should the boys being blamed or i sure bare the responsible...
i think its me~ so many times already...this had comfirm i have problem...
im so not a girlie type which being quiet and not argue back...
im those who talk whatever i want and do as i said so~
who can ever take me as a girlfriend for long term?!?
been thinking im strong enuogh to handle everything myself and can solve every single things myself...but since i came back..the answer is so obvious...NO I CANT!!

no matter how i hide my feelings how i tell myself i can let go...
but my heart its so painful~ when im in UK i believe i can say it out loudly i can! but im in Malaysia now...looking at all the stuff and pictures...i cant let go~ but what can i do? love its not a one side relationship..its both~
too make myself to feel better...i told myself at least i get to cuddle with him for a week time...a real cuddle~ been missing the feeling so much~
during this week..i found that i've change a little..i become so soft in front of him...its just like i knew something will happen and appreciating every minute every second~

you can give without love but you cant love without giving...
so i guess because i love you and that's why i need to give you by free-ing you~
i've been thinking about genting, singapore, taiwan, hong kong n macau....those trip that we plan to go~ but now its all a empty dream...

because life is short thats why we lives today like there's no tomorrow...but also because life is short thats why we appreciate every single ones~
the darkness had won~=/

back to malaysia

2010-08-23T03:54:00.002+01:00

just came back from UK....
still need a little time to adjust my body to the weather, the people, the culture and the system~ hmmm....
things had been changed...just suddenly i feel that i cant corp with it~ how can it be~
there are so many unexpected changes that i dont even think i could handle it~
my mind still hanging around..still wondering around...still so unsure...still so unsecure~ what should i do?
i couldnt ask much nor do much~
i know i have the choice..i can make the choice...if that's so...i will make it....do let me a little time...
oh~god! do give me some strenght n power n clear view~ so i could make a right move with no turning back~
im so hoping someone could give me some wise advise so i could move...

*did realise how powerful is alcohol is~ hmmm did something rackless with the alcohol effect~ but its over~ it ok right now~!!!*

home sweet home?! i realize its not a home sweet home for me..i prefer to stay alone~ how so? i dont know i cant answer this question myself~ anyone could help??? confusing n irritating! all this shit sux!

A party...A gathering...

2010-08-11T13:44:00.003+01:00

A birthday party..an event that gather us all around once again...
A gathering that reunion us togather again! love the gathering...
Happt Birthday to Deki Lai!
The party was crazy...everyone was so high..especially Ms Yaying (p/s: drunk= aggressive + ham sap+ talkative+simply bite human being) hehheheh but yet she is the one that bring the laughter to all of us!!!!!
How sad to say that soon im going to leave UK..when can v party like this again?! The friendship in UK had proven me the length of friendship doesn't rely on how long you both know each other....the Birmingham gang had showed me no matter what happen..friends will always be there for you....

For me friendship is priceless, unreplaceable....
After all those thing happen in Msia..i begun to be more sensitive towards friends...hold tight to your friend..hug tight when you have the chance...love everyone when you still can....dont be such a bitch or idiot....protect yourself and your friend ever more...to make your friendship last forever, take good care of your health...coz life is short!!!!
To all my friends and family, i love u all more then ever, dont cry when they are gone but care more when they are with you!

LOVE ALL MY FRIENDS THAT MAKE MY LIFE A CHANGE!! =D

friendship

2010-07-29T16:44:00.002+01:00

Recently been asking myself one questions....
Am i a bad friend?
hmm...been listening so many things about me being this me being that...
I am hot temper, i am impatient, i am sensitive and i am a bit too much...
i know all this..but did anyone appreciate my change? and why not telling me all this in front of me instead of backstabbing me?
I dont feel angry but sad...for so long..i thought those are the friends will straight point out my mistake by telling me..but in exchange they actually backstab me~
phew~ but im gald i still have a few reall true friend with me~
Anyhow...i will still treat you guys as friends..and not backstabbing you guys....
friendship is about sharing n telling not about backstabbing~

So now~ Am i a bad girlfriend? hahah..this is question up to me to think about~

end of July

2010-07-21T09:34:00.002+01:00

time flies~ its already end of july.......
looking back...i'm here in UK almost a year.....
refreshing back what i had done here....what a memory...
and yeah! i'm going back to Malaysia soon! can't wait to go back~
Previous weeks spending time going trips with my mom was tiring but fun...
finally i get my own time yesterday..lying on the bed rolling left n right....watching my favourite drama-CSI!!!! ehhehhe...
what a day~

after may thing happen...i realize how fragile is a person's heart~
one may look strong n tough...but you never had the chance to examine is one's heart crying or bleeding~
so why judge people with your bare eye...why giving all judgement that only will hurt you yourself n others....
its so true that easy to talk about, hard to do it~ hahahhaha
people still judge each other on the first day they meet...so do i~
perhaps i might be a little 'dum' in telling who is good who is bad...but i believe friends are friends...i will treat you as my dearest ones.....
but even thou you give so much...in the end you oni realize all the care that your friend show...its just a tool or an exchange terms for something else....like infomation, notes, making use of your strength....hahahha...
how pity human being are...i could only say we look ugly inside out~
hmmmm.......dont get shock what am i writing..just a though..nothing much~
=)

a birthday trip

2010-06-15T00:27:00.002+01:00

everything happen great in manchester...
for the moment i come to UK..i know it is for my own good...
knowing a lot of great friends...i´m so freaking glad that i have you guys with me...
arrange the surprising party really make my brain n heart jump up high...
the bond the friendship we had in manchester had tighten up....i love you guys...
on my brithday i tot everything was good and great for me....
i have all of you as great friend and a very good friend that bring me a birthday trip to Spain!!!
But today...almost come to an end to my trip...i can only say FUCK you!
stop blaming me stop saying me stop asking me not to do this not to do that...
i dont freaking know you..and you dont freaking know me....
if you like me to stop being friend with your dearest boyfriend just tell me...
i dont freaking fuck who are you...
please open your brain n bloody eyes to see n listen!
if your are deaf or blind i will hire a doctor for you!
you just piss me off!
confront me if you dare!
i will confront you when i get every fucking thing done!

Happy Birthday~

2010-06-08T01:18:00.003+01:00

Happy Birthday to me~~~~~ =)
Time flies, and now i am 22 already!!!! and i almost completed my degree~
hmmm...i can't describe my feeling right now..
Of course its Happy and Joy!!!!
Here in uk, i don't ask much nor think much as most of my friends are new friends..
but, they held me a nice and wonderful surprise party which make me cry!!!
it was so unforgetable and wonderful!!!!
looking all the food on the table, i know they put a lot of hard work in it!!!
Once again, i want to thank u all my friend!!!!!
Thank you Rayson and Cherly for cooking those food,
Thank you Terence for preparing those alcohol which make me drunk!
Thank you Janet n Jason for arranging the party!
Thank you Jesslyn, Ancy, Vivian and Victoria for cheating me all this while~
Thank you Keith, Joy, Jane, Lulu, Tony and Kevin for coming and make the whole surprise party happen!!!!
I smile even when im sleeping! I LOVE YOU guys!!!!!!! muaks muakx...
Thanks for the presents!!! i really love it!!!
For so many years, this is the most wonderful birthday i had~
except thank you, i really have no idea what to say anymore!!!!
THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!
Thank you for those who wishes me in the facebook!!! i had it all in my heart!!! i miss my taylarians friend!!!!!!

p/s: this p.s. is for someone--> if you do not have the courage then forget about it~ since that's your choice...i won't force you anymore. its all up to you! Thanks for no wishing me too!!

i can't believe it~

2010-05-23T01:10:00.003+01:00

i can't believe it....
i really can't!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
the weather here is about 20 degree~~~ but i am already screaming for help!!!
the heat, the sweat...i had here was so little but still i am complaining.....
am i going to faith when im back to Malaysia!!!!! >.<
oh.....gosh~ i need wind i need wind!!!!!!!!

=(

2010-05-18T02:24:00.002+01:00

from the day i came to UK...
i've been planning all the stuff to Paris~
my whole lists of pastries shop that i wanted to go~
the Disneyland that i wanted to go so badly since i was young~
the tower i dreamt to take picture with~
but all now all this im seeing friends making it come true..
just that they do it with their another half~
the list of shops that i want to go is now handed to friend to fulfil for me~
=(

ooh...im done

2010-05-16T00:17:00.002+01:00

yuhoooo~ i can't believe...
i still can't believe that i already finish my exam..
and what? i'm done with my degree!!!
of cause if only i pass all and get my result...
then i'm really done with it!!!
went bbq at Jenny's place~ have a great fun!!!
can't believe having bbq party in such sunny place was soooo cool!
i mean usually in msia, v had bbq party during the night but here its totally different!
furthermore with all those cool toys that her son had! that was AWESOME!!
especially the 'jumping bed' (* i don't know what is it called)
have a great talk with frankie too...
since i came here almost 8 months dy~ i still learn something rather than only from lecturers....
here, u start to know what is all about life~
appreciate everything around you~ and go for it if you really wants it..
once things that's gone means its gone~ there's no turning back..
so hold tigh to what you have and appreaciate it~
appreaciate everyone around you and love them more than ever~
appreaciate the chance you have before it slippe away~
(* just like my burberry bag~=*(....previously i did not appreaciate my chance of getting it in cheaper price....now the price increases!!! oh oh..heart pain)
anyway...the bag is not important~
i appreaciate you more than ever...so hope you too~
i apreaciate the friends i have here~ my life is different with you guys with me~
after this degree thing..im and i have to be ready for an adult life = no life~
haih~~
anyway, i do have a great partay time today!!!!! =D

....

2010-05-07T23:56:00.001+01:00

i easily get very emotional recently~ =*(

i'm just too useless...

2010-05-07T22:47:00.000+01:00

been to tru so many stuff..yet im still so fragile~
i was extremely happy when i finally get the call from him~
wishing me good luck for my exam~
he wouldn't know how strong influences that he cause on me...
immediately after the call, my mood was so extremely calm n good...
and i believe i did get some of my notes into my mind....
however, after exam, im waiting for is call...but yet there's not any...
so when home n called him....with my expectation he's with his friend...
and with my expectation he say he will call me later...
i waited...and i called again....a few mins of talk...and he said he will call me later again.....
my heart felt a little pain...but i say ok~
i waited n he sms me..asking me to call him.....
but somehow i had the expectation that he will tell me he's tired n he will talk to me again.....n BINGO! i get it all right......
the morning call make me felt so warm and touch ...but the night time reactions was so cold and strange.....he just started to treat me so strangly...which i barely knew him anymore.....
he promised he will webcam with me tomorrow afternoon....but i just cant off the phone...i just felt so unsafe about tomorrow's webcam session...im just too useless in being patients, in thinking what u want....
am i asking too much...i really don't know...i really don't....
i start to see myself as an ugly person...just not worth to be in love...i can't help it..i just cant help it....
i can handle it all this while but why cant i now? the thing i fear the most probably gonna happen...i guess...i just had the feelings once i had it during my younger age~
perhaps im just not a good girlfriend...=*(

i really miss ......

2010-05-07T00:22:00.000+01:00

i can't lie to myself nor my heart...
tomorrow is my exam...and i should be concentrating in revision..
however my feelings just goes another way round..
the 'miss' feeling was so strong till i cant take it...
i woke up in the morning, having an important task to do---> go post office!
when i was washing up, i didn't realize my phone rang!
when i saw the red light blinking (indicate that there's a miss call), i was so nervous...and im a little joy..
i check who's da miss caller with joy and smile and excited feelings...
but when i saw it, i felt a pouring rain just cool me down...
i was expecting him..but miss caller was my friend...im sad n down on the very moment.....=*(

In the evening, again there's a miss call as well..of coz i was nervous too...
but well...its not him either...its just my friend! the whole day i was studying n studying....but i cant really concentrate..i saw da phone i feel like wanting to call him....i felt the suffocated feeling....

i asked my friend, why wouldn't he call? he knows im having exam tomorrow.... but i can answer the question myself very clearly....he didn't call is because i told him to call when ever he wants to...if don't feel like he can just don't......
i feel like regreting for this statement i made..but..i still have to follow it as i promise it..so i have to do it~
if you were ask me what i want in this moment, i would tell u, i just want his call and wish me luck in the exam.....

gonna sleep now...for early revision before heading to exam~ having headache =(

Saam~

2010-05-05T16:34:00.000+01:00

i read tru all blogs that i had written previously...
just to escape from studying~ wahhaha...cant help it...
really don't feel like studying~
once i read tru all the blogs...i notice i didn't wrote much good stuff about both of us ever since the 1year anniversary n thailand trip~
all i wrote about us is about arguement, how i felt and blaming the faith!
this had showed that i've been asking so much from you that you can ever give....
i look tru all those photos in thailand just make me recall so much and i get to understand that actually what im seeking for is the loving feeling when i first met you....
i thinki shud blog something about u now:-

- you once burst into my life without asking my permission
-you are someone i don't really like when 1st saw you, but your actions just make me change my opinion on you.
- you are the one and only i though of spending my whole life with
-you are the one that i ever say break up to and of cause you are the ever first one who i gave a second chance to..
- you are the one who can just mess up my feelings upside down which you don't know.
-you are the only one my whole family knows about
-you are just the motivation for me in UK
-you are the one who i want to share everything with
-you are the one who i misses so much which i cant even believe myself
-you are the one who make me think so much and understand so much in life~

This someone is SAAM NEE...

WHY

2010-05-05T15:31:00.000+01:00

WHY? why? WHY? why? WHY??????
why today why i have exam why i need to study~
aaahhhhhhhhhhh...don't have the mood...
NOT IN THE MOOD to study~

serious thinking~

2010-05-03T17:55:00.000+01:00

the weather here is getting weired...
suddenly strong wind and rain..
suddenly sunny and warmy....
so do my heart right now.....
once feel so warm by your words and actions...
once feel so cold like snow..the passion were cool down by your cold reactions...
it has been so cold till i just wan to sleep over it...to avoid facing it...
and end up i didn't really study much....
cant help it...to think about it....
of cause i know its not an excuse and it is an unforgiveable reason for failing any sub....
therefore, i should and must learn to let go for good....
somehow sometimes i just have to learn knowing when to let go....
since i'm not capable and not as good as old times...then i should let go~
i wasnt sure can i make it a not...but i will try my best to do it...
somehow..i wasn't clear about my situation right now...
i don't really know am i a girlfriends, or a friend, or a burden or just a passer by...
phew~ aint it complicated and irritating....y cant i just stop thinking about all this....>.<
well well well...exam is just around the corner..erm...shud be 4days ahead.....
i've not been studying very well due to all this crap!!
common~ study lo THONG MAYXIM!

*something angry happen today! the stupid fitness first, deduct money from my account again! OMFG! i 'm so not going to let them deduct my money....i will screw them up side down!!!! ish ish ish.....the worst is even my uni also said that i haven clear my uni fees~ @@ which i already pay all before i came to study!!! what the hell~!!! why must all this happen while im going to have my exam soon!!!!=*(

anyway~i will just be alrite~ thanks for keith for being so caring and thoughful~
thanks for jengy for chatting with me all nite long, and even in toilet! even getting himself a cold also wont wan to stop chatting with me...=D...thanks alot!! appreaciate it!! thanks to haur as well, for telling me all the nonense stuff to cheer me up...and thanks to tiong to be caring too..eventhou he's in huge trouble too...lolx!!! sorry for worring you guys soo much~ as Kam Seng said: ''U mayxim wor! ok de~ can overcome de!'' So i think i can overcome it de!!!=)

serious doubting~

2010-05-01T11:25:00.000+01:00

i doubt on myself...
i doubt on myself how can i?
i doubt on myself..am i good enuf?
i doubt on myself ..am i a concerning person?
i seriously doubt on myself...
perhaps this is who i am...this is what am i....
i cant help it..i tried...no matter i tried how hard its still.....

im lost

2010-04-22T02:29:00.000+01:00

i am so lost right now....

please be strong~

2010-04-12T18:34:00.000+01:00

please be strong..please be strong...
figth the evil and come back to us!!!!
the ICU, the situation, the problem....just remind of me a sad memory...
my childhood friend, my brother's close friend, my neighbour...
he went into ICU, coma, and.....
he just left us here and gone...
i duno this happen again...no i will never let it happen...
so please boon, please...be strong! be very strong!
we are all waiting u here to listen u all ur nonsense joke...
n v'll crap n see where got leng lui.....

♥spring♥

2010-04-11T01:09:00.000+01:00

wonderful spring arrives!!!!

i ♥ the sun, the trees, the birds, everything~

this easter holiday..many things gone tru my mind...

feel like giving up, feel worthless to be so hardworking....

feel happy for the spring, feel the sunshine....

afterall i realize im not a strong n tough girl as everyone think i am...

i am just an ordinary girl ...

i still needs pampering...

i still needs loves....lots of it...=D

this easter i've been working quite a numbers of hour...

till i can't really spend my own time doing my stuff n relax...

end up v make up a sudden plan to skip away from this busy town...

me n my friends rented a car and drive to YORK!!!!

wuhooo...nice city nice view nice air nice ppl nice building...

everythings seem so nice.....

actually refreshing back the memories...its nothing so special thou...

its all because v haven enjoy our holidays since v came to Manchester...

v r always busy with homework, work, dissertation, argueing, this n that..

finally, i have a great holiday in spring~ love it!

請求上天賜我....

2010-03-13T16:56:00.000Z

渴望的安慰不見蹤影..
有時候,非常討厭自己難過,
因為難過,讓自己更想不顧一切保護自己,
那過程,讓人受傷..
我的過分在乎,讓自己,讓別人受傷..
很想不在乎,很想很想很想!!!!!!

如果,可以想請求上天賜我樂觀..
賜我一雙只看見事情很美的眼睛,
讓頭腦只想事情快樂,美麗的部分..

saw it from my fren's blog,
really feel da same way as she right now.
perhaps both of us in different trouble,
but this is how it was...
can i have those eyes as well????
perhaps i just not mean to be in love.....
after so many times..so many rounds...
i'm just non stop hurting myself n others.....

unpredictable...

2010-03-12T15:42:00.000Z

i've no clue what r u up to rite now!
i'm not a float,
i'm not a pet,
i'm not a 24 hours 7-eleven,
don't treat me like i'm dumb,
don't treat me as it i'm free,
dont't give me sacastic reason just to shuuuu me off,
unpredictable how much anger u trying to put me in,
unpredictable what you want to do,
everytime the good times come,
you always have the intention to screw it up.
well, believe it or not, u always successfully screw them up!
im so farking done with all this shit!

哪种爱?

2010-03-10T18:36:00.000Z

我爱你, 你爱我的爱...那种爱叫恋爱

最多只能维持兩年......

俩个人要一辈子走下去....

需要的是一起付出同样的爱...........

关于爱情

2010-03-02T01:46:00.000Z

关于爱情：
不要认为后面还有更好的，因为现在拥有就是最好的。
不要认为我还年轻，可以晚些结婚，爱情是不等年龄的。
不要因为距离太远而放弃，爱情是可以和你一起坐火车的。
不要因为对方不富裕而放弃，只要不是无能的人，勤劳可以让你们致富。
不要因为父母反对而放弃，你会发现这个原因而放弃的爱情，将是你一生的悔恨。
其实，对于爱情，越单纯越幸福！一生只谈一次恋爱是最好的。经历的太多了，会麻木，分离多了，会习惯，换恋人多了，会比较，到最后你会不再相信爱情，你会自暴自弃，你会毫无生气，你会行尸走肉，你会与一个你不爱的人结婚，就这样过一辈子···
所以牵好的手就不要轻易放开，说过的话就不要轻易收回，承诺过的人就不要轻易忘记··· 有些人，有些事，既然发生了。就注定是你一生的回忆···

♥ 陪伴

2010-02-27T19:38:00.000Z

其实....

陪伴也是很重要的付出...........

hmmmmm..

2010-02-23T22:16:00.000Z

It's snowing again....
such cold weather...
such lonely feel....
such bad mood....
such blog i posted....
what else can i do~
hmmmm..i wonder...
wonder so much...
wonder a miracle which can't happen..
wonder a hope that make me pain...
wonder so much that make me tired...
hmmmm..that's how it is......
* pampering myself with a boil of hot soup in such cold weather~

H U A T AH~ 2010!!!!

2010-02-15T05:27:00.000Z

it was chinese new year now!
so coincidently it clash with Vday! but sad to say that, i have to work on the 1st day of chinese new year!
n this is the 1st year i celebrate in Manchester and its without parents and family...
recall back how much i wanted to get away from the family thinggy...thinking its so outdated with parents and family....but after today! its totally not true! a chinese new year without family is nothing~ its soooooo boring~
well, cho 1- i need to work...as usual...but wat was not expected was the carnival that the chinese society set up! its was a waoh...but i cant really get a walk...coz im WORKING!
there are so many stalls and things to see....and its people moutain people sea aka alots of people!!!!! n suprisingly...our shop was floated by people! all of us dont even have the time to rest! me n daisy keep changing position on doing bubble tea and washing dishes..where as keira was busy entertainting the guests and taking order! and of coz our boss bz doing the food!!!!! it was a very superb duper busy day! but i guess i enjoy it! haha
after that, Terence had plan a togather dinne in Pacific restaurant! hmmm...the food not bad la...but the service a bit not good lo~ anyway..v still have a great dinner!
during CNY, what is the most important thing to do? its Gambling time and Drinking time!!!!!!! i bought a bottle of tequila and terence bought a bottle of chivas, janet bought jeagermizer and of coz beer toooo~
v drank jeager bomb, tequila shots, tequila pop and beer!!!!! all of us went crazy! singing loud...gambling non stop...me n terence keep drinking~ haaahhahah
not only those...there's red wine as well!!!! i thought im going down tonite..but well i think my alcohol level increases again! Terence went down and follow by Rayson! but i guess Terence is the worst one! hahhahah...
well n of coz i need to jaga dia la!!...
anyway..its a special and unexpectable CNY for me! i enjoy it n i love it! xoxo =D
EVERYONE! HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR! GONG XI FATT CHAI!!!!!

鱼和水

2010-02-11T01:05:00.000Z

鱼对水说你看不到我的眼泪，因为我在水里.
水说我能感觉到你的眼泪，因为你在我心里。

改變

2010-02-10T13:44:00.000Z

心若改變，你的態度跟著改變；
態度改變，你的習慣跟著改變；
習慣改變，你的性格跟著改變；
性格改變，你的人生跟著改變。

我几时愛上你?

2010-02-09T00:43:00.000Z

问我几时愛上你?

当你对我第一个微笑开始......

可是一切已是过去

phew~

2010-02-08T02:07:00.000Z

thinking today i might have a good day!
coz i found 5pound on the floor!!!
but den it wasn't at all~
came home from work today...
watch 2 episode of movie...
then there goes my hard work....
read, searching and typing my questionaire....
finally i done all!!!
n i press save save save..for 3 times...den the X button...
after closing the document...i only realize...
I FORGET WHERE I SAVE THE DOCUMENT!
i search up n down left n rigth....
my god! my tears just flow out and i'm so tired of all dis!!!!
luckily i have feli and dharly with me~
both of them keep teach me how to seach it.....
finally i found it in a file's file's file.....complicated, huh?!
phew~ wasted my tears! but at least i found it!!!=)

wat you give her and wat she give u

2010-02-04T23:48:00.000Z

saw wat my friend wrote on her facebook's wall....
she says:
Whatever u give a woman, she will make it greater.
Give her sperm, she will give u a baby.
Give her a house, she will give u a home.
Give her groceries, she will give u a meal.
Give her a smile n she will give u her heart.
She multiplies and enlarges what she is given.
So if u give her crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit..
wat do u think about it????

fact

2010-02-03T23:42:00.000Z

watching the movie ' baby on board'
recalling wat i dream before...
but now everything is already gone...
n dis is wat i choose to...
no matter how i wan it so badly..
its over now....
watching n envying the ending of the movie...
i feel happy...but sour.....
n dis is it....
da fact is not every ending is a happy ending..
it is a fact!

been thinking~

2010-02-01T18:14:00.000Z

when you have too much thing in mind,
it don't help you to run any further,
but slowing down u instead.
so why not putting all behind n..
set yourself F R E E~
i do realize how much i gone tru,
how much it cost from time to tears,
but sometimes when its out of ur hand,
means its already can't be control anymore.
since so~ why not let it free...
we don't owe each other anything....
but we have each other in mind....
i think that's enough....
i dun wan to blame anyone else on anything...
be happy and face da problem, da fact.....

when v r young.....

2010-01-26T22:07:00.000Z

学生时的假日总是想做很多事 ....
上班后的假日总是什麼事都不想做.....
年轻时换过各色各樣的发型.....
品味成熟后才发现自然发型最好看.....
小时總是想成为各式各樣的人.....
长大后才发现就只能做自己.....
年轻时心中总是住著很多心上人....
老了后才懂...真爱,一个就好!

不知道大家會不會有這樣的感覺...　
其實任何事都一樣　總是繞了一大圈之後又回到了最初的自我＠ˇ＠
所以人更應該懂得知足　而不是無止盡的追求深不見底的慾望　
有時候最簡單　最原始的　最初的或許才是最好...
有些人或許常常在抱怨自己不夠快樂　不夠幸福　不夠富有　
但其實你跌到谷底的時候不滿足　飛到雲端還是會不滿足...
當然我的意思並是說這一大圈是白繞了　
而是應該抱著美好的心情去追尋自己的可能性　
而不是總是怨天尤人就算會回到原點　
也還是走了一遭　任何喜怒哀樂都是你的回憶...
跌了跤也好　遇到挫折失敗也好　
回頭看看自己的原點　那最簡單的生活　
其實並沒有那麼糟　對吧？＝ˇ＝

无限期的等待

2010-01-24T19:39:00.000Z

无限期的等待

wat im waiting for?

waiting a lot of things....

waiting for summer to come,

waiting for my salary,

waiting for my computer scan virus,

waiting for lots of things....

time will make me feels like~

being strong,

being tough,

being soft is always wat i desire.

being rush,

being harsh,

being patient is wat i can't.

being nice,

being good,

being evil is wat i dont want to.

being envy,

being jealous,

being so much i dream for us.

choice had been made,

waiting the right time to come.

n there's a unlimited period of waiting!><

2010-01-21T02:27:00.000Z

逃避？？

no, i'm not.....

试着去习惯你的习惯 .......

My H E A R T wants to say.......

2010-01-18T19:45:00.000Z

my heart wan to say something.....
....................... (speechless)
....she's speechless.......
....she's not saying anything.....
....she learn not to say......
....she learn not to ask......
....she learn to keep quiet.....
....she is speechless now......
....she's not asking for anymore things.....
....no more she will asked for......

never lasting~

2010-01-15T17:26:00.000Z

good things NEVER last long,
no matter how hard u try to preserve it,
sorry, the fact is u can't preserve it!
just finish argueing last week..
just finish settle all the problems,
just thinking how good it was,
then the problem all come back again!!!
Promises doesn't last as well...
promises u made is all crap!
is all rubbish, just a simple words from u
but not from ur heart!!!!!!
i hate u!

figthing for my chance back~

2010-01-08T21:33:00.000Z

on n off on n off...
it was a tiring process..
but wat can i do my mind ask me to let go but my heart say no?!
i try to figth for a chance of miracle....
i called n then v talk..
i mean v finally really tok....
there so much things he's hiding from me...
his thou, his dream, his plan...
am i tat hard to communicate or i'm just not a good listener?!
currently v consider settle most of da problem..
but is the process long lasting, i can't promise so does he...
wat i can do is hope n do my part....just hope he will do wat he promise...
at least tat's da best v both can do~
be cheerful, be happy, tat's wat i nid to do rigth now!
and thanks for my fren julian and wanwen for concerning me sooo much!!!
ur care n concern helps alot...at least i noe there's someone for me when im in trouble~=)

when it bleed~

2010-01-06T19:21:00.000Z

how can i pretend tat you r not in my heart anymore?
how can i pretend im fine in front of everyone?
how can i pretend i dun care anything anymore?
how can i pretend my eyes pain when im crying?
how can i pretend im happy when my heart is bleeding?
how can i can i can i just~
compare my problem with keira's; mine was just as small as sesame.
how dare i tell her my problem when she needs my comfort more.
how dare i drop a tears in front of her when i dun have any authority to do so.
i smile i laugh i talk to cover my sadness.
i eat i drink i drunk to cover how pain am i.
i run i sweat i steam trying to forget the problem.
i eage to call trying to make things right but i know shud cool for longer.
i walk tru path way, what i dream, think, hunger for, all pass by my mind.
telling myself how it shud be n how it shudn't ended da way.
somehow i feel this time is da real 'real end'...no turning back no more...
dis is wat my senses tells me!
wat can i do wat shud i do how can i do??????

wat? its already january!

2010-01-03T16:19:00.000Z

wat the blue hell.....its already january...
but i still haven started my dissertation....
oh my ass.....im so dead mannn~~~
time seem passing so freaking fast but people still dont change much..
including myself...still so lazy, hot temper n bla bla..too much to say..
looking tru facebook..click by click...i saw fren's pictures which make me so envy..
frens getting married, frens meeting up bf or gf in oversea, couples hugging each other kissing each other....n bla bla..
make me sick but as well as envy...
rigth now dis moment i cant n i shoudnt ask for more...but just a stable and lovely relationship..but~
seriously, if u ask me did i do my part..i would defitinely say YES I DID!
but things still doesn't change much..still so much of arguement, so much of nonsense...
i somehow feel tat our relation has too much of nonsense in it till i cant feel u anymore...how could it b dis way?!
i really do the best i can..but still i cant help it...
mayb im too greedy to have too much expectation...but aint the expectation make the relationship move on?!
i start not to understand wats love...start not to understand wat shud i do?!
miserable~
so ironicly..my best fren still wishes me good luck n congrates me for being in love again..but he doesnt noe how much me n him were going underneath...how could i tell when everyones in joy...sigh~~
anyone expert to teach me wat to do??

December~

2009-12-08T11:33:00.000Z

phew~ its december already....
everyone is busying with dissertation, holidays...
but me? wondering around....dun feel like doing my dissertation..
holidays? no where to go no one to go with...
recently,too many things happen..till im numb with it..
now i understand...being innocent n bodoh..
is da best way to stop everything to happen~
lololol~~~ 6 more months to go~ den i'll b graduating...
scared i can't graduate with the attitude of studying now im having~~~
haih~ life is miserable! december make me more miserable!

2009-11-22T19:16:00.000Z

when you are walking....

walking tru the path way..

way to your home...

under the rain...

pass tru the cold wind...

and you' re sick....

how do you feel???

i felt lonely......

need a lot of water and vitamin c!!!

p/s: wuhooo, i get my pay today!! my 1st self earn pay in UK!

2009-11-16T22:35:00.000Z

哭了累了睡了......

FireWorks....

2009-11-14T00:22:00.000Z

a xmas lighthing ceremony been held in Manchester ytday...
i think this was the first time i watch a mini concert in such cold place..
wondering wat will happen in the ceremony...v decided to go for a look...
n of couse to experience the oversea feel xmas! eheeh
the mini concert was okay...perhaps is because i don't really know who are the artist...
when the lighting ceremoney count down in 10second to 8...
i ready with my camera on...js wan to capture the moment so much...
the lights in the city all brighten up! woah...cool..nice...that's what i can tell..
coming up next...guess what?! fireworks!! it last for almost 10 minutes...
i video the whole process.....is just so nice...
while i enjoying the fireworks...i remembered something...
i remember the first time i watched fireworks with you in A'Famosa...
i remember you tell me i'm your 1st girlfriend that watch fireworks with you...
i remember the supposingly second time to watch with you shud be your 21 birthday
i remember i plan it with alfred but some error problem i didn't manage to do it...
it was so sad that time i can't do it for u..
lastly i remember the last time i watched fireworks with you was on V-day 2009
which was the period when we broke up....
that moment, i only feel that everything was too late...

but im thankful that we get back togather..
the fireworks made me remind me alot of things..
i only realize how much we had gone tru togather...
the sweet ones, the harsh ones, the painful ones, the memorable ones....
all was kept nicely in my hardisc-->my brain..
pictures by pictures it flashed..
i did realize how much i miss you....thou sometimes you are seriously annoying to me...but stilll....
well~ the moment i chosen to study here i already get myself ready to face everything...everything including the missing you part...
so hopefully we get to see our third time of fireworks soon....

GeMiNi..

2009-11-08T21:35:00.000Z

每个双子都有一个故事隐藏在心里，多数是不堪回首的往事，双子是个念旧或者说是喜欢沉浸在回忆中的星座，他（她）的这个故事通常都是因情所困，动了感情而被伤害了的双子是脆弱的，也是坚强的，他（她）可以很快的振作起来，可以当什么事都没有发生，这些都是双子演给世人看的罢了，等到夜深人静的时候，双子内心的伤痛随着血液渗透到全身，他（她）可以一整夜的去回忆之前的点点滴滴，可以一整夜的沉浸在痛苦之中，可以一整夜坐在那里发呆，但是，一旦天亮了，要出去见人了，双子马上就从痛苦中抽身而走，你看到的肯定是一个神采奕奕的双子，这就是双子，拥有双重性格的双子，一个在世人面前乐天，快乐，在孤独夜晚独自伤悲的双子。双子的爱是最永恒的，可以付出一切，有人说我们花心，那时我们没有真正的爱，当双子爱上一个人的时候是痛苦的，因为我们太敏感。假如双子爱上了一个不爱自己的人，那莫我相信他永远都不会再爱了，当爱给过了一个人，他再也没有能力再付出了，其实太多的人都不懂我们，其实连我们自己都不懂自己，我们很会伪装，很会说谎，但我们最细腻，对感情最敏感，双子的爱与悲伤，谁又真的了解！

F I N A L LY....

2009-11-08T20:10:00.000Z

finally i cried out....my tears dropping...
i din noe y....perhaps i miss my family i miss my frens...i miss malaysia...
i rush home today from city..js wanted to meet up wif him so much...
but when i rush home...without taking off my shoe my coat...i ran to my com..
i din see anyone.....i start ask frens from msia help me to call him...
calling for an hour plus....i started to cry while msn-ing wif my frens...
i din noe y...i really din noe.....i cry non stop..until i tell my fren i really nid to give up dis time....im tired..
im really really really tired dis time....i mean it!
im not wat u wat...im everything but opposite.....
.....i din noe wat to continue writing anymore....
i oni noe how to cry now....for so long dis was da time i really did cry for so long....

what a BAD day!!!

2009-11-06T18:30:00.000Z

oh gosh! today is so freaking tiring!
supposingly it shud be a beautiful day for me as i had found a job...
n today is da day for me to go for a training....n i tested my luck tru the facebook..
100% good luck! woah..that's wat i nid today!!
well it all start from my toilet! my auntie visit today!..damn it..
but it was tat bad i tot!...den cycle down to the city ready to work...
before i went down to da city...i drop by a bicycle shop ask for a check on my bike...
n wat he told me is..my bike nid serious maintainance....n it cost me 55pound!!
WTF! so exp....i din repair it anyway...i nid to think about it....
so i went down to work...n i was early....when i park my bike i realized my bike light's screw is slightly loosen...while i try to fix it...da screw drop on da floor n roll into a tiny hole.....AHHHH....there's goes my screw!! bye bye...
tell myself forget about da light..happily go for da trial day....
n guess wat??! half way tru...my stomach started to pain....ITS PAIN! seriously pain.....i tot i can make it tru...but den later....i felt dizzy...seeing da glasses in the other way round...argh....
my collegue ask me to rest for awhile...thefore..i hide in da toilet a moment...i knew its my auntie making all dis nonsenses....
once i step in da toilet...i faited for at least 15min....which no one realize it...when i woke up..i was like~.~.....my god!
the boss ask me to go home...but after da faithing part..i feel better so i decided to continue to work..as it is my trail day! i nid dis job badly!!
all goes smoothly after tat...n now im safe at home...
today was a real bad day for me!
never feel da pain like dis b4..i guess is due to da cold weather here!hate it so much...hope it won affect da impression of my boss towards me!!
a happy thing to share is...i get my so called 1day salary 19.50 pound!
:( it shud be more..js bcoz i faited for da 15 mins it get deducted as my rest time! so............

p/s: i had a weired dream ytday nite! i dream sam die in some accident den i was alone after that...den from some where there appear sam's twins brother....i js remember i cry in da dream a lot...when i wake up i saw my pillow was wet! geli la tat dream!

2009-10-18T00:03:00.000+01:00

Life usually goes in this way:

To you, the once most important thing,

Will finally become nothing.

To treasure what you have is actually,

the begining to own everything...

v r not the rigth pair?

2009-10-16T10:53:00.000+01:00

every few days..there must be some arguement..
every few days..everything seems to be alrite...
every few days..everything turns up in da wrong way..
miserable..unpredictable..confussion...n blur!
giving ways is wat both can do...
but giving ways is wat v din do...
reason is to hide ur ugly-ness...
explanation is to show u r sorry but u did ntg wrong...
i couldn't and don't have the priority to ask u to do anything..
but just b capable on wat u promise....
im not little gal..i dun say things js being emotional...
think properly wat u wan....dun tell me again its js a game..
dun tell me after u had finished everything...it doesn't mean u r rigth..
u did mean everything to me but it goes on dis way...
i think v r not the rigth pairs....
go ahead wif your largest n great dream of -----( fill in da blank urself)

i deserve some respect!

2009-10-02T17:13:00.000+01:00

wat did i did wrong, tat make u have to tok to me dis way...
am i ur enermy? did i gossip behind u? did i backstab u?
no i din!!! den y can't u tok to me like u tok to u others?
i dun understand tat's y i ask...perhaps yes im not as smart as u r...
but i still deserve some respect here ain't i?
js dun treat me like im an idiot, plz...thank you!

frigthening nigth...

2009-09-28T21:36:00.000+01:00

was angry about him on saturday...
angry at him on sunday as well... just can't handle da anger...
but den everything js gone when i saw him on9 on 12am..
which is m'sia time 7am....wat da hell he's trying to do..tat's da 1st thing come in my mind...
on my computer screen...i saw - 'i had an accident just now"
im shock..but da shocking part was..." my car totally lost"
dis freak me out....at tat moment wat i can think about is...he fine?
im so worried...when he tell me da whole story using skype..it slightly calm me down...
but the fear doesn't stop rite there....
shhhh....he said to me...telling me his dad was awake....
den after tat, wat i can heard is figthing n yelling sound..
oh god..wat kind of father he is...can't he just listen to da son?!
after tat i din heard his sound anymore but his borther's sound...saying he's out..
im worried...so i decided to sat down n wait...wait n wait n wait....
here he came back...luckily he's fine....
i din not had a good nite sleep....
da most ironic part was..b4 he called i js watched a car crash video n i did said it won't easily happen....well really nid to touch wood nxt time....
thank god...appreciate wat we had rite now!

days go on..

2009-09-26T12:00:00.000+01:00

have been here for almost 2 weeks...
start to go uni d...start to take up alot of work.
dissertation timetable blabla bla..
pressure here it comes to me....
feel da little pressure on myself....afraid i can't do well....
too much to worried about too much to consider about...
n i miss m'sia...
to come here is my choice so to success is wat i nid to do....
have a lot of fun here...did alot of things here...
today is papaya's birthday..slightly help him to celebrate with steamboat dinner...
ytday nite play cards game with him to celebrate his birthday...
n da bet is to eat a extremely salty n sour chips n drink cordial without adding water....omg...its so disgusting...
sometimes...not being so sensitive can make my life cheers...
but not being sensitive is a bit hard to me...
trying my best not to think too much..so noone nid to worry about me...
i believe i can do it well...cheers !

its faith-ed not to b togather...

2009-09-19T10:48:00.000+01:00

wat kind of feelings is dis....
i felt left out here...
i felt so not me here....
trying to search it from my family....
but well...i had a unresponsible bro who keep make me worried...
worried did he do wat he promise..
i js wan to find some owning feelings...js feel tat i have my family wif me...
den da one who should be trusted by me da most...is da same old him...
have been here for almost 1week...i din even get da time to tok to him yet...
so many reason so many things to do...
but i wasn't in da priority....
can't he js b understandable tat im here alone...
da more i wait da more i feel it....
feeling so not important...
a chanllenge..my frens say....
true a great challenge with one side of hardwork.....
y can he js b like others??....they dun meet up each other on9 often too...
but at least they left msg n comment in facebook for each other....
how bout me? not a single off9 msg.....
im getting frastrated alr......i shud haf listen to my sis...not to restart it!
it js burden my pain.....

lucky me to noe very clearly wat i wan in life....

grown up gal!

2009-09-17T22:07:00.000+01:00

by dis time i shud be a grown up who can make own decision without hesitate and regret on the decision...
but i believe i am not a grown up gal yet.... alot of things i hesitate alot...i wonder da whole world round n round....which make ppl feel tiring with and make me hate myself...
but for goodess sick...i oni have diffculties in love decision n buying stuff......not in my life matter n my future....
im very clear wat am i doing...so please u too....
do things tat u won regret for life...
do things tat u won feel sorry for...
be thankful u have da second chance...
third chance are not available anymore...
be alert not to get caught de....

my fren tell me to love means accept everything he his....
even he's a rotten apple..can or can't i...
i think i can...i noe love is the greatest thing in da world...
so y can love make a rotten apple to an nice n juicy apple?
i believe i can...but oni if da apple allow me to do so!
tat's y i always say life is miserable n complicated!

wanna cry....

2009-09-16T22:37:00.000+01:00

ytday bought a boots..n today i wear it...feel more comfortable den sportshoe...
sumore keep me soo warm....
today's journey start with police station...v wake up n prepare ourselves to uni...as the student coucil will bring us to police station to self report...but when v reach..u noe wat? MALAYSIAN DUN NID TO REPORT!! kena fish d....haih...
den v get fruits to eat!! yummy yummy.....nvr ever ate such juicy n nice peaches...oh god!!...v bought a lot home too....lolx..
den head to the city center to buy cheap rice cooker.....but walk n walk..v walk to dis street....woohoo...nice street...all the branded shop are all here!! nice to walk....
at 1st i tot manchester has little population as always walk in street oso dun c less ppl...mana tau...all da ppl oni appear in dis street...lolx..tat street is js like sg wang area in KL.......
janet spot one of a stall tat sells potatoes...nice!! v order patato wif garlic butter....cna u imagine eating a hot bake potato in such cold weather!
for information is 9degree today!!! aahhh..frozen cold!
den papaya spot sausage stall...he order....not bad thou...n u noe wat i spot? ice cream....hahha i noe i noe i noe wat r u thinking...but js can't resist da temptation....nice..but cold...hehhe
feli saw her belove shoe shop...she go crazy run in n she's super happy!! same goes to terence! hehheh topshop men oso terence's favourite!
v swear not to go to tat street anymore...nid to save money...lolx..hahha as if v can....
v walk roughly till 6...walk home....oh gosh...dis is da most tiring part.....my leg really can chop it off d.....n duno y..da wind blow extremely stronger when v're on our way back...pass 2days same thing happen to us.....
when home...i suggest i go home 1st...coz i promise someone to on9 today.....ran home...dump all da grocery n jackets....1st thing is to on my com...saw him..i was extremly excited...but turn up he tell me he nid to get to bed d...tat really push me off far far away d....
i tot after a tiring day or walking..come back got ppl sayang a bit...but...
i understand its late in m'sia alr...but still i js wan to tok to him so badly....
mayb i starting to have home sick alr........at tat moment i had da sense of tears....but after seeing papaya its js fine afterall....
now here i oni can rely on my frens....they r my pillar n power!
cheer xim!

who say Manchester only have steak house!

2009-09-16T00:24:00.000+01:00

have been here for the second day...
the nite was freezing cold.....somemore i din get a blanket yet...u can't imagine how was it....
the thing i hate the most is to take bath...suffering le...cold..
this 2 days v had to eat outside...wat v find out was there's a lot of restaurant..
but all menu was...burger, pizza, kebab n FAST FOOD!!!
all steak hsr r expensive restaurant....if v continue to eat like dis in da coming days....i will die bcoz of meat!!
even terence is making noise on the meaty food d.....
really nid cook especially vege vege vege!
who say Manchester only eat steak, chicken chop n bla bla...here all is US food!!!
OMG! hehhe....
anyway i think all da carbohidrate had been burn coz v walk the whole day...hehhe

8 hours apart.

2009-09-14T20:09:00.000+01:00

13 sept 2009 ever first time leaving my mom so far away....
bags on my shoulder, passport on my hand..n here i am MANCHESTER....
perviously i dun really feel anything...coz i js feel everyday js an ordinary day...
but on 13...i js think the time pass so fast till i can't even have the time to enjoy it.....
rushing up n down in da ariport...feel so sorry din really spend some time with those fren that r there to send me off.....feel so bad tat i js left them there....
hugging n snapping photos which i involve too little.....but tears i had pour alot out...
so paiseh....feel so bad n sad tat i can't bring Mr. Monkey n Mr Dino here.....
both of this make me feel homey here!! sob sob.....
the moment i step in the plane i still can't believe i am doing this...i started to miss...
i started wan to go home...i started to feel so much....can't stop crying...but control nicely..
a 16hours of airplane flew me here in manchester.....
reaches here around 6+.....a 8hrs apart...make so different from here n m'sia....
a 8hrs apart...make me wan to go home.....a 8hrs apart...i nid to be a grown up...
a 8hrs apart had separate both of us so far away....
the wheather here was cold....freezing cold.....on the way to my hostel...looking at the cars...i still can believe tat im already here in manchester......
my place was js 7pm where m'sia is alre 3am....
8hrs had become on of the barrier in between both of us.....so ironic....
happy happy day for all the people in m'sia...same goes to me n my frens here in manchester....
brigthen the days with my smile! :)

how do i feel?

2009-09-08T10:08:00.000+01:00

5 more days to go....going to uk soon...
had finish packing my stuff....but still feels tat alot of thing haven pack....
everytime meet any of my frens...the same question will be ask....
' how do u feel now? exciting?'
seriously...i din noe how i feel....
perhaps can say confuse.....feel like going there asap...but still feel like i have a lot of things to do .....
list to do:
1. make cake for ayumi! celebrate her birthday!
2. meet all my frens if possible
3. sing k
4. meet ah zhai! veli long din meet him d
5. find yy for movie! hehehe
6. eat all kind of food tat kenot find at uk!

too much to write..too many things to remember! i relly haf no idea how i feel...
perhaps now oni started to feel a little....:)

tiring!!!

2009-08-09T19:27:00.000+01:00

after a short n wonderful holiday to penang n ipoh...i start to get job to earn back some cash....
so i send my profile to MYC to get the high pay salary promoter job!! wakakka..
further more i can get to travel everywhere....n i oni work during the weekends..
1st week..when to penang for roadshow and was new to everyone....sloely get to knew everyone......found someone annoying in the group!!! his name is dickson...somehow js feel like ingoring him n cekik him to death!!
2nd week..stay in klang valley for road show...was so tiring..coz the weather here was extremely freaking hot!!! n dis trip i found out tat dickson was sam's fren...omg!!! da world is so so small...
3rd week..da last trip to work....v went to melaka n JB...it was so hot but fun..coz everyone noe its last day d...hehhee....
during dis 3weeks...js feel so nice of meeting new people n get to earn money...... n travelling around to eat good food!! i enjoy myself so much!! my supervisor is so kind tat she plan to make a party to gather all of us before i leave to UK!!!

everything happy happen sure there's some bad things happen during the happiness too..... on my way back from JB tat time..i found out someone lie to me...somemore he shud b the closest people around me....i did gave a chance for him to explain n tell me the truth but...well human beings is js ugly...trying to hide their bad as much as they can....but i alr noe so y bother to hide anymore...n yet still throwing back da blame on me?! i really spechless.....
feel miserable n blur!! but im not confuse....

penang trip!

2009-07-17T19:11:00.000+01:00

this holiday i went a few palaces...n i gain a lot of fun!
1st was ipoh den penang
penang was fun...dis time i din stay in the island but i stay in butterworth!!
staying in chong's place was alot of fun!!! behind his house there a huge wide paddy field.....im seeing soo much green during his house....
plugging the rambutan from the rambutan trees...cycling around the paddy field.....den ride motor withour helmet everywhere....n oso searching for the 2 lost kids: wai kei n lilian......
dis 2 budak duno cycle to which country till v kenot find them....lolx...
den catching fishes from the drain.....it was so much fun there...
the nxt day went to the island....have our fruit fiest in balik pulau..it so freaking cheap.....hahah..nice!! den eating everywhere....den went up to penang hill....running here n there wif jason they all....at nite when to gurney to eat the hawker stall....after eating...guess wat v did????
v bought bubble blowing guns and a annoying hammer which create funny sound!!! somehow i feel spending some little money buying some nonsenses things, it js helps to create the joyful moment n the memory of old times....
we have a lot of funs playing all dis at the gurney streets...especailly jason the old man......
the 3rd day was fun too...we wake up early in the morning went to the beach to catch clams but too bad v did make it in time to catch clams but v manage to catch crabs!!! hahaha...i running like a mad woman...chasing the crab!!! n jason patah one of the crab leg!!! evil person!!!
went to chong's house...v ride on the bike n there v goes...running all around the paddy field..n dis time v steals someone's sugar cane...lolx....
the whole trip was sooo much fun!!!! js love it so much...especially thanks to chong and the family who had treated so well during this 3days!!!!

*p/s: somehow during the penang trip alots of things js flash back n i miss someone...the feeling was so weired n confusing....which i dun really noe how to react on it......i won denied on how i feel but i doubt how i feel.....perhaps all the good memories had been hiding very undeneath of my heart for me to discover..... which make me keep rejecting dis someone....i duno....

higher diploma!!

2009-06-30T07:09:00.000+01:00

officially i already graduated my higher diploma....

all the hard time i've pass, the effort i had put in i get wat i wan as my result!!!

after exam, v party all nite long...i think tat was the 1st gathering of all in one!!

after tat, everyone seem going all direction, wanting to gather up will be a hard time again....

then recently post up all the photos during the whole higher diploma....

make me recall a lot of things, from stranger v get to know each other,

go tru classes togather, training, entreupernership, exams n etc....

too much memories to be kept..but it always stay in us, ain't?

slide by slide the memories splash back in mind...

now i start missing the time v spent togather.....

feel so sad tat everyone of us need to separate apart......

now thinking back...if i still continue studying degree in taylors..i might have the chance to spend more time togather!!!

friendship is priceless....and it is a great memory to have....

love u guys....keep in touch.. dun let any of the memories slip out of ur mind!!!

Ahhhhhhh....i miss da college time!!

i even miss the days staying with the gals.....miss the days i scream n yell in the house...then u gals ask me to shut up..calling me siao zhar bo....

the figths, the arguement, the tears, the laughter, the sweat that v had gave out.....

i wud remember it for my whole life!!!

too much to write, too much for me to bae wif the memories...coz i will cry if i think too hard!!!!

sincerely i love u guys, fren.....

happy birthday

2009-06-08T17:06:00.000+01:00

my birthday! turn to adult stage now....i've been waiting it for sooooo long...haha
the nite b4 my birthday comes...im happy coz nat call from aus and chat if her for quiet a long while...hehhe
then geting drunk coz of nic they all...n left me hang over in the next day...so pity!!
eversince the three years studying in taylors....i din really get to celebrate wif my taylorians.....y? coz im not staying in mentari...
perhaps im childish or wat...i always js wish tat they will plan a birthday surprise for me like they plan for the others....
so..21..i tot its a biggest day in everyone's life....so do i....
i've been waiting...n waiting...haf a small lunch wif ilrene n classmates wif a cream war!...but den the whole day was like....erm..a normal day....
perhaps u would say im sensative....or wat.....but well...it somehow js make me feel so not important.....
i understand is exam...i understand everyone is bz....but.......
haih...wateva la..its not important anyway......
tears should kept away from an adults..so i being an adult kenot cry no more!!!!!
happy birthday to myself!
thx to chun beng, eric, yip, calvin,hui ren, louise..erm...forget da name d....for making me the surprise..really appreciate it....being 21 years dis is the 1st brothday surprise i had!!! serious frankly sincerly thank u!!!!
thx to all those who make me drunk as well!!! hehe....appreaciate the hardwork!

silent thoughs...

2009-06-01T22:36:00.000+01:00

had been a moment i din blog alr....
wat happen to me nowadays?
im doing veli fine...js tat busy wif exams.....
but recently i had an odd feeling....
i feel lonely...as i haf no one to turn to when i nid someone....
browsing tru my contacts...i duno who to call..
some wanting to call but i noe i can't..as i wasn't anyone to this person anymore..
feeling lonely..feeling quiet around me...
feel like breathing again!

heart broken...

2009-05-22T20:22:00.000+01:00

overstress...nid a shelter for me to hide.....
finally i really really release all out by crying....
heart breaking?! i broke da flower that he gave....
terpull da whole pack from da fridge...den 'dishhh...'
da whole flower broke the side part....heart pain.....
flower broken=heart broken.....
sob sob sob.........
i hate my bodohness......haih...

crying day...

2009-05-13T17:30:00.000+01:00

well well well..today...da same old routine...wake up 7.30 to feed da wrongly born dog wif cow strength.....den shower myself...den go pick up wai kei...
today veli shock de...coz im gonna make my long designed cake....but its a bit scary....coz it contains durian...hhaha
reach coll at 9 den start to do da earl grey based biscuit, den the passion fruit gelee...den come the most scary part...the durian mousse....
but when i jz wanted to go da durian mousse....chef karam came into the pastry kitchen..den he start yelling asking who bring durian...i admited it..den he go off angrily.....
wat next? chef francois came in and ask again who bring durian...n i had to admit it again....n he made me to see chef bala to ak permission again....but well, chef bala let me use the kitchen but not the freezer n chiller as scare the odor will stay in it....hhehe
ever after chef karam yelled at me..i become a bit down...n sad...but after tat is ok....
then is start to do chocolate mouse..do do do...finally fin n send in to the chiller fot setting the mousse....den me n wai kei went for our lunch...
come back wan to pack our stuff n cioa....but wat de hack....i can't find it....
den chef federic said he found it...n he open the rubbish bin...i saw a piece of chocolate mousse thinggy..i pick up n smell...n wat its my cake....
my tears drop as it is my sweat and blood...n i had been doing it since 9am....
i ask the junior who so happen having class in the pastry kitchen...but guess wat? they say not them, but wat i saw is all their cakes in the chiller n putting on my cake's originatly place in the chiller.....
wat the hack...i hate them......i had to make it all over again....
but im luckily tat my cake is successful and get quiet a good feedback from frens....hehhhehe...that's really cheer me up from all the shit i had for the whole day......

restless nite...

2009-05-11T14:54:00.000+01:00

now im on duty...helping my cousin to keep on eye on his dogs and help to jaga his house...
every morning nid to wake up at 7.30 am to feed da dog, change his drinking water, water the plant den take my bath n go to coll....
tat's not to toughest thing to do to wake up at 7.30...da toughest thing is to feed the dog...
oh gosh...u din noe..ever since i stay here..my hands nvr once without scars....
the dog love to bite my hand as it looks like his bone.....oo...
den at nite my cousin little dog..nid to sleep in da bedroom but with her own bed...n wat i did noe is....sometime she will manja manja wan to sleep on da bed wif u.....everynite...she was making noise wanted to sleep on da bed..if i insist not to let her come up...she will keep crying till u carry her on the bed....
haih..suffering....but one thing benefitial is i have car to use...hehhehhe
exam getting nearer n nearer....haih....stress stress STRESS!!!!!

a little disappointed....

2009-05-01T07:05:00.000+01:00

emm.....a little of disappointed.....
dis past 1 week....me n my team mate had been practice so long..thou its all a bit last min....but i did feel da effort of all....
i even get my knee blue black, my toe internal bleeding n..my dancing shoe spoiled!
v wake up early to practice....sleep late to practice.....
all the sweat v had...all the mistake v overcome togather....
purposely miss class for dis competition..
and wat? v din manage to get in to semi-finals...
perhaps im not enuf good......haih....
dis is da 1st time tat i volunter wan to join competition.....
i din wan to join any competition b4 coz im not confidence enuf....totally no...
dis time i made a shoot....but v fail....kinda hurt lo......
sumore plus frens' support and looking forward us to go in finals....
but v js let them down.......a bit sad lo...
and the ironic part...i over stress my leg..when i play wif lilian....
so now im a disable ppl n a failer who lose in the competition.....
hahha...in a positive way...i help my frens to save rm5 to buy tix to watch the finals.....
hehhehe......its js a little of dissapointment....it will b fine!! lolx
anyway..i was happy oso..coz Chef francois...did praise my dish presentation is nice..so haha....dis make me so happy!

yesterday!today!tomorrow!

2009-04-26T04:41:00.000+01:00

yesterday was a disaster to me!

today was a healing period for me!

tomorrow will b a better day!

hell true! when u're in trouble, everything around is all totally wrong, no one can help.....

but im lucky to have frens tat borrow me their hands....

everything will b wonderful tomorrow!

cheers!!!!

ytday i went to a food promo in college! call the best of germany! not bad....heheh...having quiet some fun wif chong,jason,wilyam,AJ and wai kei!

there are too many things for me to blog as i alr long time din blog d......

where shud i start??

1. i join some talent competition....but still have to work it out hard...

2. im screw up wif my TIS report!

3. went broga hill again but dis time wif greg, exzora and chef patrick!

4. being bitten by the cutest animal in da world; da rabbit...!

5. doing well in my FnB practical!!keep it on gal!!

6. im sick till now...

7. urge to noe new people!!!!

8. went steamboat war wif calvin,beng,see,yip,vivian,eric n the hulk!*sorry can't rmb ur name!

9. still having some mess on the brain! urge to wash it away with detergent!

walking tru...

2009-04-19T11:53:00.000+01:00

wat am i doing now? after 2week of class...homework loaded up....
da more i do my homework..i start to scare...start to worried can i finish up all dis notes n go for my exam....hell no! hell no way i can finish those notes before exam....
now even my beloved tuition teacher: steven heng alr start to teach me in accounting...ahhh..god i hate dis subject....
but so far i guess i did something which is good....i walk tru my pain....
well...im big enuf to face it d...so i won turn away n avoid it...coz im an adult d....
but u my fren...u shud learn!! lolx......
everything passes...now da oni thing i nid to really frastrated about is my further studies in Aus......
im not tat not understanding as u tot
im not tat stuborn as u tot,
im not tat playful as u tot,
im not da way u think!
i deserve a chance,i deserve to go forward....
but its seems like u r trying to take it away from me...
nvm, i noe i can make it tru...js like i walked tru all those torns....
giving one a chance won't harm u...so do i am giving chance to someone....
but well dis person nid to realize da chance is around...if not i can't help it...
cheers!! hot weather is killing me...

clear...

2009-04-11T14:18:00.000+01:00

classes had been started for 1 week d.....starting to feel da stress on da 1st day...
so so so stress.....long way to go? nope its js 7 weeks ahead, im gonna face da scary exam..n wat? i free tat time!!
dis whole week...can feel tat im not ready to face everything yet...coz im still half hanging rite there....
dunno wat to do.....dunno how to calm myself...hehhe
thinking n thinking...finally i haf a tot.....thinking to fight for a 2nd chance....
i can't move myself...coz im not tat brave enuf......i dun haf da guts....
i keep draging n draging.....till today saturday....
i went to da special child home......i cried there....i kenot stand it...wat so great about my prob as all dis children are facing something greater den me..... they din ever once give up themselves...so do i giving up myself??
den in da afternoon...i went for tarot reading...its freaking acurate lo.....
da tarot reading din tell me wat to do..but slight brighten my path letting me noe wat step should i move.......
i guess now i won b half hanging d.....perhaps still a little..but i guess i noe how to make myself move!!
GO!GO! GO! mayxim can do it!!!!hehheh
wish me luck frenz.......

never once...

2009-04-04T05:08:00.000+01:00

i went to melaka ytday....it was fun but also let me recall a lot of things....
so dam shit...
ytday early in da morning, wake up from AJ place den rush home to take bath...
met ellyn in hsr...den togather gather go MELAKA!
all 9 of us...going wif 2 cars....yuhoo...our journey start!!hehhe
ate breakfast at mamak...but with me a special case...i got dim sum eat!!! hah
straight head to melaka...in da car all of us r like crazy...but den sudden quiet...
coz i heard LOVE STORY da song....it make me recall something!!
chong make me crazy so i can forget....hehe
1st food destination:: chicken rice!!!
2nd food destination:: cendol!!!
3rd food destination:: crepe cake!!!
den v walk walk in jonker street...dam....things there recall my memories back...
ellyn they all was so swt...me too...hahah
den to jason place...AJ play guitar!! i was like oh god! does it haf to b like tat?
AJ play 'I'm yours'.....i lagi wan to go crazy.......
nite when to eat wan tan mee...nice...n oyster egg.....
go to jonker again.....saw 'put chai kuih'....it remind me da 1st time i ask u eat....
sumore let See they all laugh.....swt...
things never once been faded in my brain!!!
dam shit!!!!
hehe...v came back on 3am!! so tired!!! but its fun thou!! hahah
love u guys for cheering me up!!! i din haf a great time!!!
especially to my new married lou gong>>> chiwawa terrence tai lan! lolx

the hardest thing to do is to walk away....

2009-04-02T08:19:00.001+01:00

wat is the hardest thing to do in ur life?
young time...i think eating something i dun like such as luo han guo, milk, cheese n etc is hardest thing to do...
start to study...waking up every morning to go skul...is offen so hard for me....
homework! something i think its da hardest thing tat i ever did at tat time.....
in secondary skul time....start to really noe wat is da real meaning of fren.... being betray by fren was da hardesr thing to accept......
SPM had been a tough time for me...as i din really study during form4.... catching up all the studies...had stress me up tat moment..it was da hardest thing i ever done in my life at tat time.....
going in college...choosing course tat suit me....challeging myself to take up phsycology.....but end up? under serious depression....overcome da depression i had walk a long journey....plus having family prob...everything become even harder for me.......but i manage to walk pass it......tat was a hardest thing i can think of at tat time.....
finally noe-ing Hotel Management is my life...i've been working so hard nvr tot i can use my full horse power in it.....i m half way there already.....
every stages i face different challenges...and thinking it was the hardest thing to do at tat moment.....as ages grow...u start to noe wat u r seeking.....start to foresee wat is in front of u...start to noe how u should walk...... but sumtimes things js get out of control....in dis moment da hardest thing to do is to walk away...walk away unwillingly.....im not looking back....because im gonna walk ahead n wait in front of u.....or perhaps is chasing u....haha.....pain is pain but i guess ur oitment can help me!!!

unexpectated i 'hate' u so much

2009-04-01T16:27:00.000+01:00

expectation is to push u go future rather den staying at da same spot dreaming...
i had high expectation on wat i did...i truly trust in wat i see....
but till de end...i start to realize tat i get it wrong all dis time..
it wasn't as strong as i tot to burden wif truth and commitment....
how people communicate? using mouth? heart? brain? or feeling?
i think all of it needed.. without one of it can u still communicate? yes i belive i can....by using other to find back da lost one....
but does u fade ur feelings js in a few days? no i guess not....
i start to suspect on human's feeling even sumtimes on myself...
thinking i understand myelf quiet well..but i wasn't....i bet u weren't understant urself well js like me....dun argue....u think urself...
im stubborn, i kenot get rid of da past..but i trying my very best to overcome it...
i try i nvr give up and i really use my heart in it.....
but u? u din really coz u afraid u give up...... i feel like giving u hope...hmph...not hope....i shud say to give u another way of thinking...u won't always get da same result everytime u did something de....js open ur heart and receive as well as giving to others..... dun b afraid no one will hurt u harder den u urself......
im not putting salt in ur wound but im js sharing....its still a SHARING....ntg else.... it hasn't been changes when i say tat word on tat thursday.....its a SHARING ntg else......
give a chance to urself as well as give a chance to others....
to whom who understand>>>>'i hate u'.....i really din notice its sooooo much...

waiting n waiting....

2009-03-26T19:43:00.000Z

i had made da wrong move....doing da wrong thing in da moment....
now wat? regret? i not sure how i feel now..but i noe i feel a bit san fu of waiting...
i choose to share because da thought had been bugging in my mind very long already....
i dun wan that thought go aboard my mind... i dun wan it to control my mind....
tat's y i choose to share with you...hope u can convince me...telling me not to think so...
perhaps everything its unfair to u...apologize for my not confident enuf!!!
i had made da choice and now i wait....waiting da ans to reply.....
one whole day...my phone is so quiet...nvr quiet once before like dis...
waiting is suffering...waiting is long thou its a few min....waiting make me lost myself........so im here still waiting......

my first time~~~~

2009-03-13T07:31:00.000Z

as everyone noe me...i dun drink milk, i dun eat cheese, durian and coriander!!
and one more thing!!! stinky tofu>>>in a nicer word it is>> fermented tofu!!
ytday, i went to OUG pasar malam....which i could say is a finally i get to go there!!
erm...da pasar malam make me a bit confusing ah...lolx..coz too many junction to go d....
but the food there not too bad...hehe....da most well known food there is fermented tofu which better noe as STINKY TOFU!!! in my whole 21 year of life... dis is my very first time eating it....ooooh god.....smell oso wan to die d....
the 1st mouth, i bite da crunchy side...it wasn't tat bad as i tot....sumore da chili sauce super nice le....den i make da brave move to take da 2nd mouth.....i bite da white tofu part.....can c da oil+juice come out from da tofu....WOOHUU.....im like going to hell...tat's da most stinkiess part!!! da smell n taste stuck in my throat....
OMG!!...feel like drink detol!!!lolz....
but anyway..it is a good experience thou...
so i left one to go....i had tried milk, durian, coriander and stinky tofu...
now js left cheese....i guess i nid a long time to take dis!!! lolx....

my 3 course meal!!

2009-03-10T16:50:00.000Z

today was a tiring day...as after having four days straight holiday....

suddenly today nid to go class...getting lazier!!!! sumore got 2 exam ....

i slept at 3 den wake up at 6.30 am to study den go for 8am class.....

swt.."'....sumore i screw up my budgeting paper!!!....

my whole day had screw up....but something had change my day...

in the library....one chef charming approach me....

asking>>can he cook me dinner....

for me??! y not!!! hehheh

here comes my 3 course meal...

let me present u>>

starter> green salad bowl

with mayonnaise dressing

main course> cute macaronii

with mushroom, brocolli, baby tomatoes

and 'old ppl vege'

dessert> bloody crepe

perfect dinner!!! delicious!!! tres bien!!! hehehe

i guess today i will gain weight...but nvm...worth to gain weight for dis dinner!!!

here i proudly present my charming chef of the day.....xim rated the 3 michelin star chef!!!! lolx!!!

<<<>

messing myself up!!

2009-03-05T06:52:00.000Z

recently i get very emo easily....i get confuse on my decision...
starting to wonder am i doing da right thing in da rigth moment.....
things getting harder for me to overcome....
its like everything is not under my control....
wat actually im thinking?
perhaps i js can't afford to lost anything tat's y i think so much...
i think will my fren walk away from me...
i think haf i been takin da wrong course...
i tihnk am i competiable in da reality?
i think da choice i had made is it da rigth choice...
i think da choice i made will affect my frens?
i think wat ppl thinks about me....
im js too into dis type of thing....n dis is da thing i always need to learning to overcome it....
but so unfortunately i still in da begining stage......
being so foolish..being so no myself...being so uncomfortable...
being so no confident......
tell ppl how to do dis n that....but end up im da one who r confuse and can't make a single move from where i stand now.....
can i js ingore wat ppl thinks about me as i can't please every single one in da whole world....but js i can't...i care it so so so much.....
i hate dis feeling sooo much.....
sometimes js feel like run away from dis place...run away for a holiday a peace of mind....run away from all da gossip and rumous.....
i noe sometimes it doesn't happen..its all bcoz im too sensetive...but i js can't help it.....
well well well...i come a long way till now.....
now even my blog is getting so confusing...i dun even noe wat's da main point im writing dis blog!!!!
perhaps js to release.....................................

stupid vein!

2009-03-03T09:56:00.000Z

dis few days i get moody veli easily...asking myself..y so?
i totally haf no clue...i get a bit bad temper...a bit lost control and i duno...
but i easily get cheer up too....my mood is js like da economy now...fluctuate!! lolx

today i did something veli proud...guess wat?
i donate blood today...but damn it.....i oni donated 200ml..
where as my frens all donated 450ml....
the nurse say mu vein too small...da blood drip veli slowly..so she give up...
i wan to donate 450ml!!!! ish..hate it la...
but is pain thou...i mean when da nurse trying to pump my blood out from the tiny vein....now my hand had a blue black mark n swallen!!! kesian me....pain n yet still kenot donate 450ml......heheh
im so gonna exercise to make my vein bigger!!! lolx...sound so wrong!
heheh

valentine

2009-02-15T08:24:00.000Z

my valentine.........promotion in entrepeuner!!!lol nice???i made it...

valentine's day is an important day for all da couples...
couples get to dinner togather..
couples get to romantic...
couples get the joyment....
SO HOW BOUT THE SINGLES?????
lolz.....not trying to b so agrresive....hhehe...js wondering wat singles do!!!
officially dis year i haf a single valentine's...
i use to think a valentine without lover is so sad...
but dis year..i found its more fun being single...
lol....i go redbox with frens..go bowling with frens n stuff....
so much relax n exciting.....heheh...

at nite...i went to my fren's wedding...erm...wasn't a nice experience thou....

but it make my nite bz...lol....(*so i dun look so lonely)lol
by day way....i did have a romantic valentine...
it has nice dinner, flower, beach, fireworks,wine, photos and......
but it come in a wrong timing......
i appreciate that nite a lot...but things js can't work in tat way....
anyway...dis year 14feb became a important day as well as changing my life in another way round......

anyway...happy belated valentine's day to everyone!!!

starting to miss....

2009-02-11T18:05:00.000Z

starting to miss u alr..

how cruel was it.....

last time i nvr tot i would feel so....

the nite v spend togather was so nice till i dun wan to say good bye...

it has been a long while that v din spend time togather....

after da dinner....everything js pass so fast....

never never tot i will miss u so badly....

da moment i rushing to c u.....i think a lot of our memories togather....

after seeing u...i paiseh wan to drop my tears...

but actually dun haf any la...lolx...

trying not to keep silent...i kept toking n making noise...

im afraid of da silent will kill us all...n end up wif tears flowing....

until it come to da moment of departure....v were still fine...

me n da gals hang around a while....den left...

reaching home...i start to feel da missing feeling...

OH GOD!!!! i start to miss u!!!

take good care of urself ah.....little sis....

love u much o......

da mushroom n da tally!!!!

surprise ME!

2009-02-11T17:53:00.000Z

for my pass 20 years, i never receve anything during chinese valentine's day...
but dis year, i got a surprise....
i receive a sugar flower.....
it had cheered my nite up as i was stressed up by exam tat nite...
thanks to the owner lo....appreciate it alot...
guess where's da flower now????
in the FRIDGE...dun mean to treat it dis way...but i scare it will melt.......
lolx....

Just love dis song...dunno y?? lolx
i 1st heard it was in my fren's car on 24 Jan...
now im falling in love with it....hehe

Love Story - Taylor Swift

breathe again....

2009-02-07T05:18:00.000Z

pass 2weeks...both of us have been struggling....
arguement, confusion, fear, tears, and anger had blind our eyes...
v gave up 3times in a roll in 1 week....
tat was aweful....aint?
but v din really gave up afterall, v get back togather....
till the end i made a choice to let go...
finally i realize letting go may b a better choice den struggling togather..
the first week of leaving u...wasn't tat harsh as i expected...
mayb is because i finally noe the rigth way of letting go....
letting go sumtimes is not becoz dun love anymore...
it's js becoz i wan to breathe again....
it's becoz i become more undestanding in the relationship...
i starting to love the single feeling i guess....
i realize i see things clearer, n i have more time for myself, homework, friends n my bed!!! lolz..
u asked wat kind of break-up r v now?
last time, those break-up i asked for was pleasing ur care and attention
last week's break-up is wanting to b alert our problem
last sunday's break-up is for me to think properly wat i wan..
now the break up i guess i selfish-ly wan to choose the life i haf now.....
i felt free, without pressure and light....
js temporarily i dun feel like having the burden of love....
let me breathe the air for a bit longer....
i accept the theory of let the faith decide us... well if v belongs togather no matter now long v leave apart v will still meet back.....
sam: thanks for everything ya...i promise i won forget about those thing u gave me
and the memories v had..because i noe those were my experience with u and
its a lesson in life...cheer up k.... definitely u still can ask me for a dinner but
but with a condition that u pay..hehhe

do it ur way..

2009-01-23T18:33:00.000Z

finally.... u call up...i wonder if i dun reply for the road direct msg..will u call me up....
wanted to let u noe...now our problem is not like a movie n dinner can b settle...
i really have no clue of settling the problem d...
mayb u still prefer to avoid da problem lo....
i think i will stay quiet den....i think u find it better tat way rite?!
dis time really really do it ur way.....
.....

knowing it...

2009-01-22T16:10:00.000Z

it had been 3 days not toking to u....or even smsing..
i feel our gab is getting bigger and bigger...till can fit another person...
thinking dis few days wat is da problem and wat i wan...
i still can't figure out....finally today i noe how to explain all dis....
i found out tat v dun haf a same target to go forward...
i feel so unsecure that v seem like having a blurr future...
mayb u were thinking..wat da hack dis gal thinking so far....
but having a future plan, having a target, make me more secure and noe the way to find my path....
now im lost and confuse...
i duno wat to do....
i try to call up to tok...but when i dial the phone half way i off it....
i dunno wat to say...i duno how to express it alr....
u din call up, din bother to noe wat happen to me, din wan to settle..
so i guess u nid some time to digest wat had happen to us...
i will give u time js as u always ask me to give u time for dis for that.....
sometimes time pass it will bring away something as well....
i duno how many things had been brought away by da time......
call me when u're ready to settle......i guess dis is da best word i can tell u.....

20th of every month

2009-01-20T17:29:00.000Z

20th is suppose to be the greatest and excited moment that i wan to haf in my every month....but dis month its js a normal day....
u nvr sms, nvr call, nvr even appear to share the joy with me....
perhaps its already not a joyful moment for u already....
i haf no idea wats da feeling now...i understand that i said i will give up expectation on surprise and stuff...but now i was thinking..a relationship without surprises and expectation...how long can it last????
mayb im not the gal u wanted...i dun suit u at all....
perhaps im da one who make u surfer all dis while and not letting u go......
recently i heard the song called 'Just once' an oldies.....its so meanigful that can js perfectly describe both of us.....
im sad but not as sad as last time....
im emo but da emo-ness get lost veli soon....
i care but i noe it won't change things....
i start to let go my hand and wait n see......
i really dunno wat i wan to express...my mind is js as messy as dis piece of blog i wrote........

it end in the rain.....

2009-01-02T06:14:00.001Z

seems like the god know how i feel....the rain pour heavily in the nite...
that's the nite v say good bye....how could i say it out the word good bye so calmly to u?
im not sure how do i feel after you left...but im sure its not a good mood....i feel uncomfortable....
everything was a bit of messy in my mind....
im not crying im not piss but js calm..i guess i finally learn how to hide it..but still steven and yao sense my fear and sadness....they kept quiet but starring at me to make sure im alrite in the whole meeting....perhaps im still bad in it........
finally i told them what happen....n there i start to think....thinking about the problem....
he is someone worth spending the whole life with..
he is someone that i wan to be
he is someone that duno how to express his feeling like others do...
he is someone appreciate the galfren in another way...
he is the one for me i guess...
the only thing he won do is surprise....n that's wat i love..
basically the problem is in me....if i can put away wat i love...i think v will b fine...
the problem now is i duno how to put dis away...
i really dun wan to lost the relationship but i nid to put away my problem first....
im confuse...

sawadika~~~thailand o!!!

2008-10-14T17:40:00.000+01:00

sunny sunshine~~~ my holiday i went to Thailand with sayang n the family....

^the 1st lunch in Thailand at the sea side...so nice.....

^took at the jety~~

^took in the speed boat.

^wooah...clear water blue sky...Li Peh island

my bedroom...nice~

^herm~~~hug other gals oso!!!

haha..actually is the bro's gf...

^trying to escape from his hug!!

^but still~~~kena caught!!!hehehe

~tea time~

^walking around da island to search for foood~

^love the seating of the cafe~

(tea time wif vincent, hui yen n aunt angel)

exercixe after teatime.....

oops...not me! is sayang's exercise...
1st- 'piggy back'

then flip front.....haha special stun by me n sayang..

^wuuu~i can float in the air~^trying to act cute

^taken in the sampan....

^ at stone island.....the myth of the island is to stack 12stone up den make ur wish...ur wish will come true.....but stealing the stone home will kena curse~~

me n sayang manage to stack up...yeepi yeah....make our wish as fast v can...

our anniversary.....

2008-10-14T13:52:00.000+01:00

celebrating our anniversary in yogoya!!!!
i am sooo happy on tat day....tot its not a romantic dinner but with you everything is romantic!! :)
sad sad coz din get to snap as much photo as i wan coz v r busying grabing FOOD!!

love u~~~~
i used my whole nite to prepare those cupcakes with ur favorite pepermint taste....
n also helping your bro to celebrate his birthday
20/9 our annivesary......muaxx

breaking the curse...

2008-09-17T12:03:00.000+01:00

people who know me..will understand wat curse i had.....finally it come to a moment for it to break....this saturday...20 september....da veli important for it to break my curse.....

breaking the curse had made me walk a long and difficult way...n now here i am...waiting dis veli moment.....
u don't noe how excited to wait dis moment...
u don't noe how i feel now...
here's something to share....>>

thanks feli for editing it for me.....

our day....

i put my effort in us.....im waiting to see yours....i noe it shouldn't count like dis....but i really wan to c your effort.......

can't wait till saturday....

forever love

2008-07-12T09:50:00.000+01:00

did i made da rigth choice? will i b fine?
i noe deeply in my heart..i noe i kenot js b cold to him...i noe i kenot js leave him there....
its all bcoz i noe i love him too much....except dis choice wat can i do?
when i say it out...its js like fire burning my whole body...i js wish tat moment i lost my voice...
even thou i spell it out..i speak it out...i truely home u stop me...tell me u don wan....but in da end i still get da answer tat i expected....
knowing u was a scary moment wat i 1st tot..
knowing u more is wat i wan after tat...
lying on ur shoulder is da safe shelter i ever had...
arguing wif u is da most heartpain moment i had b4...
hugging u is wat i always wan when i nid u wif me...
leting u go is a death decision to make....
all i wan to tell is....i love u too much till its out of my expectation....
forever love...i finally knew wat does it mean....

im an idiot!

2008-06-28T09:32:00.000+01:00

how shud i describe my feeling now...
i feel unsecure...n i noe u won't understand n u will tell me u're tired....
i dun feel safe anymore...
im not mature?im being childish?im being unpredicable?im being stubborn?
yes, i think i haf all dis....all dis while im always dis way.....
to all of u out there..ya i noe my character is like a bit tomboy....yes i am! but afterall im still a gal....i do feel unsecure...
u always get wat u wan...how bout me....all dis while i think i did a great job of giving space n step....
if tat's not enuf....sorry...i think i dun haf to continue if u dun appreciate it....
da book i hand to u is for u to read...but wat else da book doing now? lying nicely n tidy on ur table.....
even when a kid get his spelling all correct..da teacher will present him a sweet to encourage him to continue his well done job...
but me? there's no even a sweet from u! js non stop complainting im unpredictable...im selfish....
every of the matter is my fault...im da one who made u back to da way u act last time...im da one who screw ur day.....
u r da one who always give both of us up...u r da one who always say dun wan me....
well...dis is da chance d....if u really think so....go ahead den....im such an idiot afterall...
wait till ur exs come back n find them den.....they r always way better den me aint it correct?
im an idiot!

u r important to me

2008-06-25T17:47:00.000+01:00

js came back from pulau redang! so fun!!! now i look like a charcoal!! hehhe...went there da 1st thing i did was sleep...i can't stand coz the day b4 i had a bad day n almost get my head off.....

20th of every month shud b a memorable day for me n him...june 20 is more memorable bcoz he date me again! erm....i shud say i feel his effort...not to say he din last time but js not tat much....:)..he date me to sky bar!! i tak sabar sabar wan to go...n so so happy...but end up v din go coz da frens ajak go clubbing... im not mad about it but i think its ok if he wan to go out wif da frenz....as long as i b wif him tat's alrite.....u must b thinking..y gals r so unpredictable? at 1st wan da bf to do something on the anniversary day so much but after tat will b so nice offering da bf to go out wif the frens.....i wud say v r not unpredictable...is js tat guys duno how to think like gals....for me i saw the effort..i felt it...den everything is ok whether v go the place tat he promise go not going..but as long as i'm wif him...everthing will b fine for me....

it wasn't the end of da story yet afterall....if everything can be tat simple i think there will b a lotz of happyily ever after for all couples......well....v end up went to poppy wif the frenz....b4 tat v went to pyramid watch movie...everything was fine but v went off time a bit...timing not nice lo....v haf to rush home n prepare ourselves...then some conflict happen as v dun haf a same opinion....i end up follow his plan but i think mine its better....well go home prepare...well..gals nid to make up n dress..nid a little more time rite...end up i was late n get rush by da frens...to b truth im kinda piss off la...den i show face lo...in da car..i ask him to let me chill a bit...reach there...i get a bit over sensative wif wat he say n he get a bit sensative on wat i say...n den...v end up argue...even da frenz can't help us....v try to tok but can't.....even thou v end up going in poppy but v din tok....i kept quiet n keep drinking n i saw SIEW LENG..went over chat chat n noe her frens....tat time i was thinking of giving up alr...but i kept it in myself...as i tot he dun appreciate me at all...i js wait till he say it......

looking at dis pic...u noe he din say it n i din say it too...the second day v went to redang togather...n spend 3nites togather.....everytime i look at dis pic..i feel pleasure tat both of us din make the choice of breaking apart...knowing tat i love him back, his shadow, his shoulder tat i always lean on...i start to realize....

in dis 3days i staring to noe y i can stand his way of treating me n not saying i wan to break apart....its all bcoz i love him too much...too much till i can't imagine it....i start to noe how to control my temper...i start to noe how to turn back to him when i had throw my temper on him....there's too much things i nid to learn....afterall he's really a great bf....tat can stand my long-winded story, my anger, my un-patient character....there's too much to tok about...wat i hope was a long long long long long relationship wif him...

dear jiji:>

no matter ur eyes is small or big..

no matter u r hair r dropping a not..

no matter u r dark or fair...

no matter wat i js wan to tell u

i love u!